Contacting your Ex: Should I? Shouldn't I?

By Leah Sheppard

Contacting your Ex: Should I? Shouldn't I?

The urge to speak to your ex, to hold them, to be as you once were is a natural one. All you want to do is go back to the good times and forget there ever was a time where you were ever apart. And when you think about how happy you once were and all the plans you had made together, the thought that they no longer want to be with you can seem so incomprehensible and cruel.

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It is an excruciating endeavour to come to terms with the realisation that you are, no longer, together, and when we are dumped in a heartless way or at an inopportune time it can make the recovery that much harder. The fact is that this person has, for whatever reason, decided that they are looking for something different to what they believe they can find in a life with you – and that is ok;
just as it is ok for you to do the same. This does not by any means confirm that a life with you is at all bad. It is simply not what this particular person, at this particular time, that you happen to have met and spent a part of your journey with wants for their life anymore.

Ultimately, as free-willed individuals we need to be able to source a path for ourselves that will create happy and meaningful lives. If the person you thought loved you does not love you anymore, you must pick yourself up and move on. There is no happiness for you waiting in limbo for the hope that one day they will come back. There is only sadness and disappointment.

There is a reason they have decided to part ways with you, no matter how unfair  or incomprehensible it may seem to you; And trying to convince them or yourself that you are what they are looking for will only delay the inevitable. Worse, it keeps you in a place of constant worry, and resentment that anyone could question your worth.

Contacting your ex when you are both not fully healed will make things worse for both of you. You both need time and space to process things objectively and without the constant emotional roller-coaster that seeing that other person can bring. Give it space.

If, one day in the future you end up back in each other’s lives it will be at a point where you are both stronger emotionally, and are more assured in what you both want. If not, there is a whole world of people hoping and praying that they get to meet and be with someone amazing just, like, you.

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